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So, as previously stated, I am in a relationship with an alter from a different system (my sourcemate, Scara!<3) and I think it's important to know the basics of beginning a relationship of this kind (whether it be romantic, purely sexual, or beyond platonic in any way) since we almost had to sort it out ourselves, although we somewhat knew what we were doing. So here's a little guide on the basics when figuring out how to make it work!
1. BOUNDARIES! Discuss it with all headmates.
Firstly it's important to set your own boundaries between each other, of course, but what about the folks you share the body with? We discussed it with our headmates to figure out what's okay in terms of the body, and what isn't. This is even more important when the bodies are minors, in my opinion; to be blunt, it'd be kind of not exactly good to be fucking in the bodies of minors, if sex is something you're even open to, especially when the alters doing it aren't minors themselves. Just be open and make sure whatever you two want to do is okay and safe and everyone's comfortable with it.
2. Switching situations
Obviously, different people are gonna front at different times. My biggest advice is just don't get mad or upset about it when somebody other than your partner is fronting. If they say it's okay, maybe you can ask them to switch with your partner if neccesary, but remember, that doesn't always work. And if it's your headmates you've switched out with, make sure they remember to clarify that they're fronting, or don't pretend to be you (our system would know this from personal experience, once, a long time ago.) for any reason. Evidently, that could lead to a lot of issues.
3. Spreading the news
Obviously, you don't even have to tell anybody outside of your own systems. But if you do, figure out who's safe to tell. If you or your partner arent out to that person/those people as a system, it may be better to avoid it; for example, some of our (my systems) friends have somehow found out and asked "are you dating (his systems hosts name)??" With certain friends of ours that I'm comfortable telling, I've asked Scara if it's okay for me to explain it to them, and sometimes he'll say yes while other times he won't, and that's okay. It's all about what you and your partner are comfortable with.
Of course, there's much more that goes into separate-system-alter relationships, but these are the main three things that I think are most important when figuring out how to make it work, aside from the normal components of a relationship.
Hopefully somebody out there will find this useful or even just interesting, but who knows? I just wanted to come on here and share a little advice. :)
-Childe
1. BOUNDARIES! Discuss it with all headmates.
Firstly it's important to set your own boundaries between each other, of course, but what about the folks you share the body with? We discussed it with our headmates to figure out what's okay in terms of the body, and what isn't. This is even more important when the bodies are minors, in my opinion; to be blunt, it'd be kind of not exactly good to be fucking in the bodies of minors, if sex is something you're even open to, especially when the alters doing it aren't minors themselves. Just be open and make sure whatever you two want to do is okay and safe and everyone's comfortable with it.
2. Switching situations
Obviously, different people are gonna front at different times. My biggest advice is just don't get mad or upset about it when somebody other than your partner is fronting. If they say it's okay, maybe you can ask them to switch with your partner if neccesary, but remember, that doesn't always work. And if it's your headmates you've switched out with, make sure they remember to clarify that they're fronting, or don't pretend to be you (our system would know this from personal experience, once, a long time ago.) for any reason. Evidently, that could lead to a lot of issues.
3. Spreading the news
Obviously, you don't even have to tell anybody outside of your own systems. But if you do, figure out who's safe to tell. If you or your partner arent out to that person/those people as a system, it may be better to avoid it; for example, some of our (my systems) friends have somehow found out and asked "are you dating (his systems hosts name)??" With certain friends of ours that I'm comfortable telling, I've asked Scara if it's okay for me to explain it to them, and sometimes he'll say yes while other times he won't, and that's okay. It's all about what you and your partner are comfortable with.
Of course, there's much more that goes into separate-system-alter relationships, but these are the main three things that I think are most important when figuring out how to make it work, aside from the normal components of a relationship.
Hopefully somebody out there will find this useful or even just interesting, but who knows? I just wanted to come on here and share a little advice. :)
-Childe
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