Missing My Source (SOMEWHAT A VENT.)
Jan. 8th, 2023 04:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stcculkyLOOSELY CONSIDERED A VENT.
Sometimes when I'm fronting, I imagine I'm in the castle. If nobody is around, sometimes I close my eyes when I'm walking down the hallway and it feels like I'm there. I miss it, but at the same time I don't, because of.. you know. Him. (And that whole way of life, honestly.) I know I technically was never there, but it feels like I was. It feels like I went to sleep, and the next morning I woke up here. I'm adjusting, and I'd say I'm doing well, but it's kind of hard. I feel almost guilty in a way for wanting to be there. I guess I just miss having a purpose and working for somebody? Even if that somebody turned out to be evil. It was nice to be busy most of the time, not having anything to do isn't the best. I thrive on being busy and productive. Not having to do anything is weird.
I'll leave it off there, I guess. Thank you for reading, if you did.
-Hunter
Sometimes when I'm fronting, I imagine I'm in the castle. If nobody is around, sometimes I close my eyes when I'm walking down the hallway and it feels like I'm there. I miss it, but at the same time I don't, because of.. you know. Him. (And that whole way of life, honestly.) I know I technically was never there, but it feels like I was. It feels like I went to sleep, and the next morning I woke up here. I'm adjusting, and I'd say I'm doing well, but it's kind of hard. I feel almost guilty in a way for wanting to be there. I guess I just miss having a purpose and working for somebody? Even if that somebody turned out to be evil. It was nice to be busy most of the time, not having anything to do isn't the best. I thrive on being busy and productive. Not having to do anything is weird.
I'll leave it off there, I guess. Thank you for reading, if you did.
-Hunter
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